Friday, October 30, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
My Birthday: Nov 15, 1962
Natural disasters in 1962
• Columbus Day Storm of 1962
• North Sea flood of 1962
People who died on November 15 (various years)
• 2006 - David K. Wyatt, American historian
• 2006 - Ana Carolina Reston, Brazilian model
• 2005 - Arto Salminen, Finnish writer
• 2005 - Dr. Adrian Rogers, American Southern Baptist Minister and leader
• 2004 - John Morgan, Canadian comedian
• 2004 - Elmer L. Andersen, Governor of Minnesota
• 2003 - Laurence Tisch, American businessman
• 2003 - Dorothy Loudon, American actress
• 2003 - Ray Lewis, Canadian athlete
• 2002 - Myra Hindley, English murderer
• 1998 - Stokely Carmichael, American civil rights activist
• 1997 - Saul Chaplin, American composer and musical director
• 1996 - Alger Hiss, American government official and alleged spy
• 1994 - Elizabeth George Speare, American author
• 1990 - Alydar, American racehorse
• 1988 - Billo Frómeta, Dominican orchestra conductor, arranger and composer
• 1983 - Charlie Grimm, American baseball player
• 1982 - Martin De Alzaga, Argentine racing driver
• 1978 - Margaret Mead, American anthropologist
• 1976 - Jean Gabin, French actor
• 1971 - Edie Sedgwick, American actress and model
• 1971 - Rudolf Abel, Soviet spy
• 1967 - Michael J. Adams, American test pilot
• 1965 - Dawn Powell, American poet
• 1963 - Fritz Reiner, Hungarian conductor
• 1961 - Elsie Ferguson, American actress (b.1883)
• 1959 - Charles Thomson Rees Wilson, Scottish physicist, Nobel laureate
• 1958 - Tyrone Power, American actor
• 1954 - Lionel Barrymore, American actor
• 1949 - Nathuram Godse and Narayan Apte, conspirators against Mahatma Gandhi (b. Narayan Apte - 1911)
• 1919 - Alfred Werner, German chemist, Nobel laureate
• 1917 - Émile Durkheim, French sociologist
• 1916 - Henryk Sienkiewicz, Polish author, Nobel laureate
• 1910 - Wilhelm Raabe, German writer
• 1908 - Empress Dowager Cixi, Chinese ruler
• 1853 - Queen Maria II of Portugal
• 1819 - Daniel Rutherford, Scottish chemist and physician
• 1795 - Charles-Amédée-Philippe van Loo, French painter
• 1794 - John Witherspoon, American signer of the Declaration of Independence
• 1787 - Christoph Willibald Gluck, German composer
• 1712 - Charles Mohun, 4th Baron Mohun, English politician
• 1712 - James Douglas, 4th Duke of Hamilton, Scottish nationalist
• 1706 - Tsangyang Gyatso, 6th Dalai Lama
• 1691 - Aelbert Cuyp, Dutch painter
• 1670 - Comenius, Czech writer
• 1630 - Johannes Kepler, German astronomer and mathematician
• 1628 - Roque Gonzales, Paraguayan missionary
• 1579 - Ferenc Dávid, Hungarian religious reformer
• 1544 - King Jungjong of Joseon
• 1463 - Giovanni Antonio del Balzo Orsini, Prince of Taranto and Constable of Naples
• 1280 - Albertus Magnus, German theologian, bishop, and philosopher
• 1136 - Margrave Leopold III of Austria
• 1028 - Constantine VIII Byzantine Emperor (b. 960)
• 655 - Penda, King of Mercia
124,697 People
• Columbus Day Storm of 1962
• North Sea flood of 1962
People who died on November 15 (various years)
• 2006 - David K. Wyatt, American historian
• 2006 - Ana Carolina Reston, Brazilian model
• 2005 - Arto Salminen, Finnish writer
• 2005 - Dr. Adrian Rogers, American Southern Baptist Minister and leader
• 2004 - John Morgan, Canadian comedian
• 2004 - Elmer L. Andersen, Governor of Minnesota
• 2003 - Laurence Tisch, American businessman
• 2003 - Dorothy Loudon, American actress
• 2003 - Ray Lewis, Canadian athlete
• 2002 - Myra Hindley, English murderer
• 1998 - Stokely Carmichael, American civil rights activist
• 1997 - Saul Chaplin, American composer and musical director
• 1996 - Alger Hiss, American government official and alleged spy
• 1994 - Elizabeth George Speare, American author
• 1990 - Alydar, American racehorse
• 1988 - Billo Frómeta, Dominican orchestra conductor, arranger and composer
• 1983 - Charlie Grimm, American baseball player
• 1982 - Martin De Alzaga, Argentine racing driver
• 1978 - Margaret Mead, American anthropologist
• 1976 - Jean Gabin, French actor
• 1971 - Edie Sedgwick, American actress and model
• 1971 - Rudolf Abel, Soviet spy
• 1967 - Michael J. Adams, American test pilot
• 1965 - Dawn Powell, American poet
• 1963 - Fritz Reiner, Hungarian conductor
• 1961 - Elsie Ferguson, American actress (b.1883)
• 1959 - Charles Thomson Rees Wilson, Scottish physicist, Nobel laureate
• 1958 - Tyrone Power, American actor
• 1954 - Lionel Barrymore, American actor
• 1949 - Nathuram Godse and Narayan Apte, conspirators against Mahatma Gandhi (b. Narayan Apte - 1911)
• 1919 - Alfred Werner, German chemist, Nobel laureate
• 1917 - Émile Durkheim, French sociologist
• 1916 - Henryk Sienkiewicz, Polish author, Nobel laureate
• 1910 - Wilhelm Raabe, German writer
• 1908 - Empress Dowager Cixi, Chinese ruler
• 1853 - Queen Maria II of Portugal
• 1819 - Daniel Rutherford, Scottish chemist and physician
• 1795 - Charles-Amédée-Philippe van Loo, French painter
• 1794 - John Witherspoon, American signer of the Declaration of Independence
• 1787 - Christoph Willibald Gluck, German composer
• 1712 - Charles Mohun, 4th Baron Mohun, English politician
• 1712 - James Douglas, 4th Duke of Hamilton, Scottish nationalist
• 1706 - Tsangyang Gyatso, 6th Dalai Lama
• 1691 - Aelbert Cuyp, Dutch painter
• 1670 - Comenius, Czech writer
• 1630 - Johannes Kepler, German astronomer and mathematician
• 1628 - Roque Gonzales, Paraguayan missionary
• 1579 - Ferenc Dávid, Hungarian religious reformer
• 1544 - King Jungjong of Joseon
• 1463 - Giovanni Antonio del Balzo Orsini, Prince of Taranto and Constable of Naples
• 1280 - Albertus Magnus, German theologian, bishop, and philosopher
• 1136 - Margrave Leopold III of Austria
• 1028 - Constantine VIII Byzantine Emperor (b. 960)
• 655 - Penda, King of Mercia
124,697 People
Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating
WORDS WOMEN USE
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine".
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine".
GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
True Things You Learn From Porn Movies
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70s couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there are two of them they "high five" each other (and the girl isn't disgusted!).
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses love to suck patient's cocks.
22. Men always pull out and masturbate at the end.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before joining in and fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches… or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to keep reminding her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are always clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70s couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there are two of them they "high five" each other (and the girl isn't disgusted!).
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses love to suck patient's cocks.
22. Men always pull out and masturbate at the end.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before joining in and fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches… or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to keep reminding her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are always clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
What Men Know
Men know that Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked women.
Men know that PMS is Mother Nature’s way of telling you to get out of the house.
Men know that if she looks like your mother, run.
Men know that there are at least three sides to every story; his, hers, and the truth.
Men know never to run away from a fight that you know you can win.
Men know that cats are evil and cannot be trusted.
Men know how to change the toilet paper, but to do so would ruin the game.
Men know exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how far that gas will get them.
Men know that from time to time, it is absolutely necessary to adjust oneself.
Men know that a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect the man to stare at her cleavage.
Men also know that the woman will get pissed off when they do, for reasons not totally clear to them.
Men know that the reason men don't like cats is because they don't know how to cook them.
Men know that there is no such thing as a sure thing, unless her name is Bambi....
Men know that men are from here, and women are from way the hell over there.
Men know that PMS is Mother Nature’s way of telling you to get out of the house.
Men know that if she looks like your mother, run.
Men know that there are at least three sides to every story; his, hers, and the truth.
Men know never to run away from a fight that you know you can win.
Men know that cats are evil and cannot be trusted.
Men know how to change the toilet paper, but to do so would ruin the game.
Men know exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how far that gas will get them.
Men know that from time to time, it is absolutely necessary to adjust oneself.
Men know that a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect the man to stare at her cleavage.
Men also know that the woman will get pissed off when they do, for reasons not totally clear to them.
Men know that the reason men don't like cats is because they don't know how to cook them.
Men know that there is no such thing as a sure thing, unless her name is Bambi....
Men know that men are from here, and women are from way the hell over there.
Popular Personalities Talk Sex
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant.
It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.
Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.
It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom.
There's very little advice in men's magazines because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked!'
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Woody Allen
Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant.
George Burns
It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
George Burns
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
Billy Crystal
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
Robert De Niro
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Rodney Dangerfield
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
Dustin Hoffman
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.
Lynn Lavner
Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.
Steve Martin
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Jack Nicholson
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
Camille Paglia
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.
Elmo Phillips
It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom.
Joan Rivers
There's very little advice in men's magazines because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked!'
Jerry Seinfeld
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
Sharon Stone
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
Oscar Wilde
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Robin Williams
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams
ALWAYS TRUST THE EXPERTS
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
"I have travelled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
"But what ... is it good for?"
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper."
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'"
"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools."
"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training."
"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy."
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon".
Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
"I have travelled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."
The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
"But what ... is it good for?"
Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
Western Union internal memo, 1876
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."
A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper."
Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in Gone With The Wind.
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."
Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895
"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."
Spencer Silver, on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'"
Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer
"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools."
1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work
"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training."
Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem by inventing Nautilus
"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy."
Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".
Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon".
Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
Bill Gates, 1981
Fun Thoughts for Each Day
Birds of a feather flock together and mess on your car.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbour’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are "XL."
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbour’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are "XL."
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Things She’ll Never Say
1. I'll swallow it all ... I love the taste.
2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
3. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!
4. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tawnee over for a threesome!
5. If I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!
6. I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
7. You're so sexy when you're hung over.
8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
9. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
11. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses.
12. I'll be out painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday, too.
14. Honey, our new neighbour’s daughter is sunbathing again, come see!
15. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
16. No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.
17. Your mother did a great job raising you.
18. Do me a favour, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself new clubs.
19. I understand fully. Our anniversary comes every year for God's sake. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever.
20. Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?
21. Not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!
22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
23. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.
24. That was a great fart! Do another one!
25. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya!
2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
3. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!
4. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tawnee over for a threesome!
5. If I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!
6. I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
7. You're so sexy when you're hung over.
8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
9. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
11. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses.
12. I'll be out painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday, too.
14. Honey, our new neighbour’s daughter is sunbathing again, come see!
15. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
16. No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.
17. Your mother did a great job raising you.
18. Do me a favour, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself new clubs.
19. I understand fully. Our anniversary comes every year for God's sake. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever.
20. Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?
21. Not the fucking mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!
22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
23. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.
24. That was a great fart! Do another one!
25. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya!
Supposed: "Actual Writings from Hospital Charts"
1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Famous People Say the Darndest Things
History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.
Napoleon Bonaparte
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
Victor Borge
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager."
William S. Burroughs
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
Lillian Carter
Modern Art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea. (cf. Pollack, below)
John Ciardi
Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled.
Michael Crichton
A pretty girl who is naked is worth a million statues.
e. e. cummings
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
Winston Churchill
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
Billy Crystal
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
Jimmy Durante
A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.
Bob Edwards
We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us.
George Eliot
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (cf.: Vaughan, below)
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
The best way out is always through.
Robert Frost
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Galileo Galilei
What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is brought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?
Mahatma Gandhi
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Life is tough, and if you have the ability to laugh at it you have the ability to enjoy it.
Salma Hayek
Never confuse movement with action.
Ernest Hemingway
The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand.
Frank Herbert
I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves.
Alexander von Humboldt
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
Bob Hope
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
Edward Langley
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Gloria Leonard (cf. Salvet, below)
Laughter is by definition healthy.
Doris Lessing
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Spike Milligan
No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately.
Michel de Montaigne
Sometimes a slow gradual approach does more good than a large gesture.
Craig Newmark
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
Pericles
The painting has a life of its own. I try to let it come through.
Jackson Pollock (cf.: Ciardi, above; Zappa, below)
When we are unable to find tranquillity within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
I have unbounded admiration for the nude. I worship it like a god.
Auguste Rodin (cf.: cummings, above)
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
Will Rogers
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
Eleanor Roosevelt
The difference between eroticism and pornography is one of art.
André Salvet (cf.: G. Leonard, above)
To me, it seems a dreadful indignity to have a soul controlled by geography.
George Santayana
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.
George Bernard Shaw
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
Herbert Spencer
If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.
Mark Twain
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.... But then I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
Mark Twain
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain
If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.
Bill Vaughan (cf.: Emerson, above)
Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
Voltaire
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Horace Walpole
Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for.
Earl Warren
It's always better to be looked over than overlooked.
Mae West
Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.
Frank Zappa
Napoleon Bonaparte
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
Victor Borge
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager."
William S. Burroughs
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
Lillian Carter
Modern Art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea. (cf. Pollack, below)
John Ciardi
Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled.
Michael Crichton
A pretty girl who is naked is worth a million statues.
e. e. cummings
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
Winston Churchill
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
Billy Crystal
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
Jimmy Durante
A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.
Bob Edwards
We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us.
George Eliot
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (cf.: Vaughan, below)
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
The best way out is always through.
Robert Frost
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Galileo Galilei
What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is brought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?
Mahatma Gandhi
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Life is tough, and if you have the ability to laugh at it you have the ability to enjoy it.
Salma Hayek
Never confuse movement with action.
Ernest Hemingway
The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand.
Frank Herbert
I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves.
Alexander von Humboldt
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
Bob Hope
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
Edward Langley
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Gloria Leonard (cf. Salvet, below)
Laughter is by definition healthy.
Doris Lessing
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Spike Milligan
No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately.
Michel de Montaigne
Sometimes a slow gradual approach does more good than a large gesture.
Craig Newmark
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
Pericles
The painting has a life of its own. I try to let it come through.
Jackson Pollock (cf.: Ciardi, above; Zappa, below)
When we are unable to find tranquillity within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
I have unbounded admiration for the nude. I worship it like a god.
Auguste Rodin (cf.: cummings, above)
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
Will Rogers
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
Eleanor Roosevelt
The difference between eroticism and pornography is one of art.
André Salvet (cf.: G. Leonard, above)
To me, it seems a dreadful indignity to have a soul controlled by geography.
George Santayana
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.
George Bernard Shaw
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
Herbert Spencer
If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.
Mark Twain
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.... But then I repeat myself.
Mark Twain
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
Mark Twain
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain
If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it's another nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.
Bill Vaughan (cf.: Emerson, above)
Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
Voltaire
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Horace Walpole
Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for.
Earl Warren
It's always better to be looked over than overlooked.
Mae West
Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.
Frank Zappa
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Random Thoughts from a Family Friend
1. Life is sexually transmitted.
2. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
3. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
4. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
5. Some people are like a Slinky --- not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
8. Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?
9. In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
10. "Life is like a jar of jalapeños . What you do today, will probably burn your ass tomorrow".
2. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
3. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
4. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
5. Some people are like a Slinky --- not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
8. Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?
9. In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
10. "Life is like a jar of jalapeños . What you do today, will probably burn your ass tomorrow".
Wisdom From My Father
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone!
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 Odd Thoughts
1. My wife and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
12. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
13. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
14. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
15. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
16. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
17. Procrastinate Now!
18. I have a degree in liberal arts; do you want fries with that?
19. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
20. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
21. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
22. They call it PMS because "mad cow disease" was already taken.
23. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
24. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
25. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
26. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
27. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
28. I smile because it makes people wonder.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
12. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
13. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
14. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
15. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
16. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
17. Procrastinate Now!
18. I have a degree in liberal arts; do you want fries with that?
19. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
20. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
21. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
22. They call it PMS because "mad cow disease" was already taken.
23. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
24. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
25. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
26. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
27. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
28. I smile because it makes people wonder.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Cats That Look Like Hitler
The cat here is called Leonardo. Owned by "Victor", Leonardo is rated 6.428 out of 10 at the website Cats That Look Like Hitler. Check it out here.
AZIS - No Kazvam ti stiga
Azis (born Vasil Troyanov Boyanov in 1978) is a popular pop acts of Bulgaria. Currently he has a popular show on TV there. Who knows what he's singing about, but the mixture of homoerotic transgendered ethno pop is rather catchy.
Questions Camus Never Lost Sleep Over
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
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