More Questions to Ponder at Night

If we quit voting, will they all go away?
How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Have you noticed since everyone has a cell that takes pictures these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why does a dog get mad when you blow in its face, but then sticks its head out the window when you take it on a car ride?
Do constipated people give a shit?
If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut?
If I had everything I wanted, where would I put it?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Is there another word for synonym?
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?